


Regret

by voyce95



Category: Founder of diabiolism, 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-23 00:03:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17672600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voyce95/pseuds/voyce95
Summary: Occured right after chapter 110 so spoilers ahead.Everyone is now speculating Nie Huaisang to be the mastermind behind the incident but it seems that he is hiding something else aside from the incident itself.





	1. Chapter 1

Nie Huaisang picked up Jin Guangyao's headress and as he touched it, he felt something tugged on his heartstring. He shrugged off the feeling since he shouldn't cause another scene in that situation and he casually walked out the door.

Outside, cultivators were walking here and there without even noticing Nie Huaisang by the corner, still holding the headress. He held on tight as if it was something so valuable, his breathing heavy now. Hesitating, he smiled a crooked smile and whispered, "Thank you, and... I'm sorry."

After that, tears finally fell down his porcelain-like cheeks that now had a light pink shade as compared to his pale face earlier. Who was he thanking for and why?

Nie Huaidang continued, "My brother has finally been avanged and I couldn't have done it without you. Mo Xuanyu, if you didn't sacrifice yourself I couldn't have started this game of fools and I wouldn't have known what to do with my brother's case." It was true indeed. Without the death of Mo Xuanyu, and the revival of the Yiling Patriarch, all these wouldn't have happened. It all came down to one precious life gone.

Nie Huaisang was there.

He was there when Mo Xuanyu was at the Koi Tower. He was there when Mo Xuanyu was kicked out. He found out that Mo Xuanyu was tricked and left to fend for himself. He witnessed it all. He was the one who helped Mo Xuanyu retain just a tiny bit of his sanity and he was the reason why Mo Xuanyu remained alive when all seemed to be against him. Even after he lost his sanity, Nie Huaisang was there for him, dragging back what seemed to be almost nothing left of his sanity.

But he was also the reason why this precious person lost his life.

Before he could leave, he saw Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji come out from the temple while everyone was busy tidying the area. His teary eyes were now fixated on one person... Wei Wuxian. Both body and soul familiar to him. It was hard pretending that he didn't know who actually owned the body when they came to interrogate him. And more importantly, it was hard to see someone precious to him in the hands of another person.

He held Jin Guangyao's headress with his left and his right reaching inside his robes. He pulled out a small pouch and delicately held it to his chest, so carefully as if it was about to break. Seeing his loved one be with another person, happily smiling and talking made his heart ache even more and with a quiet, "now what", he put the pouch back into his robe as if he was finished talking to it and left the place.

He won his battle, defeated Jin Guangyao and avenged his brother... but he never felt so defeated his whole life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY GOOOOOSH THAT WAS THE VERY FIRST FANFIC I EVER MADE! IM NOT CRYING, YOU ARE 😭 I HOPE I WAS ABLE TO TUG YOUR HEARTSTRINGS LIKE HOW NHS GOT HIS HEARTSTRINGS TUGGED. But if it didn't... forgive me. I need to polish my writing ^^"
> 
> I got this idea from this wonderful youtuber and artist  
> \-------> https://youtu.be/swz7nxOz1Xc
> 
> Go check it out! It's so sad TvT


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: SELF-HARM  
> POSSIBLE NOVEL SPOILERS
> 
> We finally get to imagine how Mo Xuanyu ended that way...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's quite long now, I'm sorry... I'm not used to writing dialogues OTL

"What have you done?!" Nie Huaisang exclaimed as he barged inside the little rundown shack.  
"I-... I was just..."  
"Tsk. Here, let me see..." Nie Huaisang's voice was now gentle with a hint of worry. He lifted up the man's arms which was painted red and stared at it. Suddenly, he placed it on his lips and gently kissed it, which made the man gasp in surprise.  
"A-A-Sang?"  
"There... that should do it." Nie Huaisang faintly smiled at the man and looked for anything clean to wipe the man's arms. "Let me help you with this," he continued.  
"A-Sang, you don't have to do this. I did this to myself. I can take-..."  
"No. I want to help," Nie Huaisang interrupted. The two were silent until Nie Huaisang finally finished applying bandages to the man's wounds.  
"There we go. Next time when you have something in your mind, take it out on me."  
"But I can't possibly do that!"  
"A-Yu, I'd rather take a beating from you than see you hurt yourself. So please... next time..."  
"... alright. Then I won't hurt myself anymore. If you ask me to hurt you when I feel like hurting myself, I can't imagine the thought of me beating you. I can't bring myself to do so."  
"I'm glad to hear that." The two smiled and spent the rest of the night talking.

This was the second time Nie Huaisang caught Mo Xuanyu hurting himself. It pained him so much to see his dearly beloved hurt himself so he had to do something. Thankfully, his words eased the problem.

But it didn't take long for Mo Xuanyu to lose himself again. No matter how much Nie Huaisang comforted him, the insults and abuse of the Mo family was too much for Mo Xuanyu to bear... even with Nie Huaisang beside him.

"A-Yu!" Nie Huaisang dashed towards Mo Xuanyu and confiscated the sharp object that the man was holding.  
"No! Give that back to me! I have to-..."  
"To what? You have to what?! A-Yu, you don't have to do this. There's always a solution to everything and it's not this!"  
"I can't take it anymore!" Mo Xuanyu lost it once more and decided that leaving permanently was the only way.

Without thinking of anything else, Nie Huaisang rushed to embrace Mo Xuanyu as tight as he could. Mo Xuanyu struggled and wanted to get out so he started to hit Nie Huaisang's back. The Mo Xuanyu that said he couldn't hit him finally broke and went back on his words. Nie Huaisang understood him and didn't pay attention to the broken promise. He held his breath while still hugging Mo Xuanyu to ease the pain from the beating but he noticed that it got softer until the beatings finally ceased. The room fell silent and Nie Huaisang felt Mo Xuanyu clutching on to him, followed by a loud wailing. Nie Huaisang held him tighter and he did the same thing.

Knowing something like this could happen again, Nie Huaisang sighed. He couldn't stand losing him but he knew that it was inevitable. With the last resort on his mind, he sighed once more and whispered, "If you really want to end everything... there's a way to have revenge against those people who tormented you. If you... if you really want to, then at least bring them with you. A-Yu... you really don't deserve to be treated like this..."  
"Tell me."  
"What?"  
"Tell me what I need to do for me to have my way in revenge." Mo Xuanyu was set on this, leaving Nie Huaisang to drown in sorrow. He couldn't protect him when Mo Xuanyu himself didn't want to protect himself. The only help he can do was to help him have a peaceful passing.  
"Tomorrow... I'll give you what you need tomorrow." And at that, Nie Huaisang planted his lips on Mo Xuanyu, giving him a passionate kiss before leaving.

The next morning, like he promised, he brought some torn pages from Wei Wuxian's manuscript.  
"I couldn't get everything, this is incomplete, but it should be enough." Mo Xuanyu went over the pages and examined them carefully.  
"Tonight," he said.  
"What?" Nie Huaisang was troubled.  
"I'll do it tonight."  
"But that's too soon!"  
"The sooner, the better. The more I stay here, the more torment I get so I'd like to end it as soon as I can." Nie Huaisang didn't think that Mo Xuanyu would do it immediately. He wasn't prepared to lose him tonight. But just as how he knew that he couldn't protect him, this time he also knew that he couldn't stop him.

The moon finally rose and the shack was as gloomy as ever. Mo Xuanyu read over the pages for the last time before drawing his blood. Nie Huaisang stood by the corner, observing... hoping... hoping that everything will go according to what was written on the torn manuscript. After a while, Mo Xuanyu had finished drawing the inscriptions on the ground.  
"Wait...!" Nie Huaisang interrupted him just before he could start the incantations. He kneeled down in front of Mo Xuanyu and held his chin. He kissed him for the last time. Mo Xuanyu returned the kiss and in a moment, the two didn't mind what was happening. Then, Nie Huaisang parted... sadness in his eyes.  
"I lo-..." he hesitated. "I'll always be here for you." He couldn't say it... for if he had, he knew that it would torment him every single day. To tell someone you love them means wanting to spend the rest of your life with them but if he did say this now, he couldn't spend his time with him. So instead, he left his parting message of reassurance.

Mo Xuanyu then proceeded to perform everything as what was written on the manuscript and once he finished, he collapsed.

Nie Huaisang took out a small spirit-trapping pouch and went near Mo Xuanyu's lifeless body and kissed his forehead one last time before putting his spirit inside the pouch.  
"I promise I'll protect you this time."

He put the pouch inside his robe and walked away.

"Lan Zhan!" Wei Wuxian's voice from the distance snapped Nie Huaisang off from his thoughts as he was frozen still from a distance. The footsepts of the two faded as they walked further and further away. That voice... yes. It was the same voice. The same voice that talked to him, the same voice that cried on that night. And the same voice that cited the incantations before leaving this world and leaving him all alone by himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, we are going backwards. This is a flashback. I'm planning to make one last fanfic and it's still backwards. It's gonna be when NHS met MXY for the first time... if ever I consider making it.


End file.
